Rabu, 09 Juli 2008

About cheating & the other person

saya mau share artikel yg cukup berguna.
sebetulnya ini "target"nya utk "orang ketiga" yang sebetulnya lebih
buruk dari si peselingkuh itu sendiri. tapi ini bisa jadi masukan jg utk
memperkuat kita yg kena "korban" bahwa NOTHING WRONG WITH US BUT
stop bertanya/menyalahkan diri sendiri, lupakan, dan mencoba utk move

Relationships should be built on a foundation of trust and mutual
When you are the "other person", how will it ever truly be possible to
trust the person who had an affair to be with you? If s/he cheated with
you, do you honestly have enough ego and vanity to believe that s/he
would never cheat on you?

One thing that psychologists know about cheating that the general public
seems to ignore is: cheating is never about the relationship. it's not
about the partner who was cheated on not being good enough. Cheating is
about something wrong inside of the person who cheats, plain and simple.

There is no excuse or reason to justify infidelity. If the relationship
is in trouble, then you work through your problems with your partner,
not someone else. If you determine that the relationship can not be
salvaged, then you break up, divorce, or leave your partner before you
look for someone else to take his/her place. What you don't do is cheat.
Cheating is never justified and it is never acceptable.

Now, one thing that I believe is as bad a thing to be as the cheater is
to be the "other person". Granted, it's one thing if the "other person"
truly doesn't know about the partner. In this case, the cheater should
take full brunt of the consequences for his/her actions and full
responsibility. But if the "other person" knows about the relationship
and chooses to pursue a relationship with a person who is involved
anyway, while s/he's still involved, this "other person" is no better
than s/he is for having cheated.
This is true also if the "other person" didn't know about the
relationship but finds out about it and then chooses to continue the
relationship after the truth is revealed.

In a way, it could be said that the "other person" is actually
committing a worse offense than the cheater, because, s/he should surely
understand how much infidelity hurts, and s/he simply should not
knowingly do that to another person.

The truth of the matter is, when you look at the facts, knowing that
infidelity is not about problems in the relationship but about a problem
internally with the cheater, then the "other person" should truly never
feel secure in the relationship with the one who cheated.

And if you are the "other person", ask yourself this question. How long
do you think with the history of his/her infidelity it will be before
you become the one s/he cheats on, and find that s/he has moved on to
the next "other person"? Oh, sure you'll think that you can love him/her
enough, be enough, do enough to be different. Of course, you are going
to want to believe that you and your love is strong enough to make the
difference, but in reality, if infidelity is not about the relationship
but about something wrong inside of the cheater, then there is no way
you will ever be 'enough'
of anything to prevent him/her from going behind your back too.

Cheating is cheating, emotional or physical, the cheater or the "other
person" doesn't matter. It's still having an affair, and if you allow it
to continue without putting a stop to it, you, as the "other person" are
just as guilty as s/he is. Don't worry though, your time will come when
s/he eventually moves on to someone else, leaving your heart broken just
like the heart you helped him/her break when you condoned and encouraged
his/her infidelity.

Cheaters never win. true in playing games, and true in life and love. Be
true to your partner, and if you feel you must move on, then do the
right thing and leave before you find yourself sharing another's heart
or bed. If you are the "other person" break it off immediately. It's the
only right thing to do, or else, one day, you'll be on the receiving end
of his/her infidelity too, and you'll deserve ever bit of heartache that
brings when it happens.



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