Selasa, 11 Desember 2012

Helping Children Correct Mistakes

Boso londo...
Lagi cari2 konsep ttg hukuman.
Bukan untuk menghukum. tapi lebih ke correct mistakes.


BYU researchers remind parents that we are always teaching our children (Young et al.). How we respond to our children's mistakes will likely teach them how to respond to their own. What will they take from us? 
Will they punish themselves harshly? 
Will they let themselves off too easily? 
Will they be pleased if they can "get away with it"? 
Or will they realize mistakes are part of growth: correct the problem, and move on? 
Sometimes all a mistake calls for is forgiveness. Most times, allowing the child to experience the consequence and handle the mistake is also in order.

Let consequences do their work

One child is found in his room, serving a self-imposed timeout. Another child would look you straight in the eye and say he didn't do it, even if he did. 
Kids come with differing levels of tolerance for making mistakes and their own levels of wanting to correct them. 
Parents have the privilege and responsibility to discipline. "Children need clear expectations and standards provided by responsible adults to help guide and direct their lives" (Young et al. 13). 
Loving parents teach their children how to cope effectively with mistakes. This includes not removing the natural consequences that accompany them.

Mistakes as opportunities

Parenting experts Cline and Fay have a chapter in Parenting with Love and Logic titled "Children's Mistakes Are Their Opportunities" (51). 
They write, "Oftentimes we impede our kids' growth. We put ourselves exactly where we shouldn't be: in the middle of their problems. Parents who take on their kids' problems do them a great disservice" (52). 
"When a child causes a problem, the adult shows empathy through sadness and sorrow and then lovingly hands the problem and its consequences back to the child" (55). 
A parent who allows his child to correct her own mistakes will teach that child she is powerful.

Teaching, not "I told you so"

BYU researchers led by K. Richard Young suggest we treat our children with respect, and make sure our messages are "clearly and precisely explained" (12). 
This means that a child's mistake is not a moment where we get to add any insult to injury (although we may be tempted to say I told you so). Mistakes are often opportunities for teaching what a more correct choice would have been. 
Modeling is one of the best ways to teach correct behavior. This works especially well with younger children (Young et al. 12). If you have a child who is pushy on the playground, model how he could deal with his emotions in a positive way. Let him role play correct behavior with you. 
With older children and their mistakes, they may use you as a sounding board, but typically need to figure out solutions on their own.

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